Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
