Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
