her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
