you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
