i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
