Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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