Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
