Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize