she woke up with a sticky ear
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize