I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
