That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
