Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
