How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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