I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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