ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I want to be your penis for a week.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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