You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
