Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Never joke about your clitoris.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
