Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
