a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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