I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We are all done wearing pants today
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
