Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ketchup is God's man juice
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
