From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
