So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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