my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
