No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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