eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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