dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
