"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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