u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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