Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
