I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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