There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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