Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
