btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
