Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
