I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
