If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
