I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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