he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
