Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
