I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize