Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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