I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize