no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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