don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
