I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
