I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
