she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
