it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
