I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
id be glad to
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
