She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
