is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
