My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
