I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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