I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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