My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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