your parents love me but you hate me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize