She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
