my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
