i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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