i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
