I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
