I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
