I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
