Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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