so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
