I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
