best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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