I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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