I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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